Friday, June 02, 2006

I am the anti-Condi!

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has been in the news lately, and so it seems like a good time to play some one-up(wo)manship. File this one under the category of shameless self-promotion.

I am the anti-Condi. Really, I am. A trusted friend and authority on world affairs told me so. See, about a year ago I posted an ad on an online dating site. (No, not in the London Review of Books. Maybe I'll try that next.) I haven't actually gotten any dates, but I like to think that's because most of the men who contact me live many thousands of miles away, and not because they find me unattractive. After all, the photos I posted of myself are at least as seductive as the one of Condi above. Anyway, I've gained a few pen-friends, we swap information about our bodies, our selves, our lives, our dogs, our fetishes, our politics, etc., and after learning more about me, including the fact that I used to play rugby for the Oxford Old Boys RFC, one fellow paid me the ultimate compliment:
Jean, you are the anti-Condi!

Jean: Plays rugby football with Old Boys in spite of disapproval of male power elite.
Condi Rice: Pretends to like American football to suck up to old boys in male power elite.

J: Former Sovietologist working for world peace.
C: Former Sovietologist working for world war.

J: Serves as mentor to Slovenes wishing to speak English as a second language.
C: Serves as mentor to president who can't speak English as a first language.

J: Sometimes gets in trouble for speaking the truth to power.
C: Lies through her ass to support those in power.

J: Bathes in Alpine streams after walking over verdant mountains.
C: Bathes in blood after walking over mountains of dead Iraqis.

This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me, and I just can't help bragging.

Hey, would anyone like a date with the anti-Condi?


Blogger Porlock Junior said...

Just as well that I'm firmly married, or I'd be tempted; and I'm not sure the rugby would be good for me. Congratulations, though, on a great tribute. Just warn me if you go into a reception line for Condi; I want to be in another place, maybe another planet, for the explosion when you shake hands.

[Edited to assure that there is not a semicolon in every setence. And if you were playing the Columnist Manifesto's game with the Turing words, I'd mention "pzzha", exclamation on figuring out where the cheese and tomatoes got to.]

1:33 AM, June 04, 2006  
Blogger Jean said...

I'll try to avoid shaking hands with Condi. I shook hands with Bill Clinton thirteen years ago and nothing happened, but that was before I realized how evil he was.

Hmm, I may have to join that Unitarian Jihad. Used to belong to a nice congegation in Lafayette, Indiana. Wonder if they're gone militant yet.

5:06 PM, June 04, 2006  

Post a Comment

<< Home